But I do blog here.
Come visit me sometime.
At the beginning of the year I made a post about all the things I wanted to do in 2011. (Read it here) The only other time I looked at this list was when I did a 6-month check up. It was kinda funny reading over it now and what I wanted to accomplish and knowing all the things that weren't on this list that I DID accomplish. And I know it's still technically 2011, but I plan on being pretty MIA until next year with Christmas coming up (2 days people!!) and then my nephew (!!) flying in next week! So let's type out my goals and see how well I did!
Write. I didn't finish a novel, BUT I did write a very crappy rough draft of one in NaNoWriMo. And because of that really crappy rough draft-not-even-finished-draft I have a better view of my story. A better plot line. And the drive to get my dream back. I wouldn't trade that struggle for what I'm feeling now.
Get healthy. Around June of this year I started having some massive stomach problems. So massive in fact that I ended up spending way too much money at the doctor's office, a trip to the ER, and missed class and work because of it. I may not have dropped 50 pounds, but I did loose 15. I started a work out routine, and I like it. But mainly, I learned that even if you are bigger, you can still live a life. You can still love yourself. And I think having a healthy mind frame is equally important.
Try new things. Did it. Got out way more this year. Stopped being such a hermit. Stopped shutting everyone out. Took some risks. Laughed at myself. Go mad at myself. Cooked new foods. Acted like a fool, and have no apologies for it.
Get another tattoo. This didn't happen. Dang it.
Keep up my GPA. I didn't strive as well as I could have, but I still did pretty good. In some ways I'm disappointed in myself, but in other ways, I'm okay with the choices I made.
Go to concerts. I DID THIS! I didn't get to see Seether. I HAD TICKETS TO SEE SEETHER! But they cancelled :( I did go see:
Theory of a Deadman
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Puddle of Mudd
OH the Fire
Sent By Ravens
......and I "kinda" saw Ha Ha Tonka. Didn't get to stay for the show, but I did talk to some of the band members so that "kinda" counts, right?
Dress more girly. I never busted out a skirt, but I did wear cuter clothes. By cuter I mean a non-band shirt.
Don't let it get me. I still have those moments like anyone does. I noticed more than ever the heaviness I feel when I let things weigh me down. When I just don't brush things off. I know how sick I've made myself because I get upset over things I have absolutely no control over. Sometimes I can even stop myself and say: Hey. Wait a minute. Why are you upset? It's not worth it. This situation is not worth it. This person is not worth it. It's a process and I'm okay to work with it.
Enjoy life and be more productive with it! I may not have done a lot of things I wanted to do in 2011, but I think my family and friends can agree one thing I did do in 2011 was get back to me. For the past couple years I've let things drag me down to this deep hole that I thought I never was going to get out of. Depression, in whatever form it comes in, is a dark and scary place that can eat you alive if you let it.
I'm not letting it anymore.
I look back at so much time wasted and I regret it. I regret shutting myself out from others. For feeling like I'm starting all over at the age of 26.
But I'm not regretting things anymore.
This was my year of growth. My year that I got back to me, got back to the things that matter. What I learned most importantly about life is pretty simple: Faith, Friends, and Family. Life is a sad, sad place with out those three things. Glad I know I have it in mine.